Almost: A Dream

I almost forgot your smile. The way that one little crinkle in the corner gives away the fact that your whole face is about to burst into sunshine. 

I almost forgot the way your heartbeat softly tickles my ear, comforting and steady.

I almost forgot how your left eyebrow arches, dark and satyric, when you're being a smartass, or a goofball, or naughty.

I almost forgot the sound of your laugh, rumbling in your chest and erupting into the world with joyousness.

I almost forgot the sleepy warmness of your hug in the pre-dawn soft light.

I almost forgot the simultaneous strength and softness of your hands. The silly tickles and the silent grace they provide.

I almost forgot the shelter of your arms, protecting, possessing.

I almost fogot your kiss.  Warm to hot, fierce and soft, soul to soul.

I almost forgot.  I almost gave up hope.

Almost.

The Privilege of Giving

Gift giving is important to me--not just at Christmas time, but all the time.  I love seeing something that I know will make a friend or family member smile.  It makes me feel happy to think I can make someone else happy and it makes me feel good that I know somebody so well I can do something meaningful for them.  I believe that is how gifts should be--not obligatory, not perfunctory.  I get sad when I'm out and overhear people complaining about buying gifts for 'everyone and their brother' or 'having' to spend the money.  Seriously?  Don't do it.  To me, the ability to pay attention enough to somebody's life to purchase them a gift is in itself a gift.  The privileged gift of friendship. 

Last year, I couldn't even afford to get everyone in my family a gift.  I was so upset...I cried and cried.  It was really hard for me, even though, of course, family members didn't really care.  But it is a way for me to express how much I care and I couldn't do it.  I did other things, but I still really love having a 'thing' to wrap up and put under the tree...something wanted, something they'd never spend their own money on, a secret wish, help with a dream...that's a gift to me.  A gift card can be a gift, if it is to a place rarely afforded or for a specific thing very much desired.  My kids love getting book store gift cards because the trip to the store, the selection of the books, is at least as much fun as the actual book itself.  But there's thought there--the knowledge that a book is a treasure and the the trip will be a treasure too. 

This year my financial situation is better and I feel better.  There won't be stacks and stacks of gifts, but the ones I have I know will be loved and that is the whole point.  Remember the privilege of giving a gift--savor the selection, think fondly of the person you are gifting and enjoy the process.  Merry Christmas everyone!